Toxic Friendships

Time hop is a wonderful app but sometimes you see things that maybe you did not want to.

In the past I have not found it difficult to cut people out of my life. If I think that we have a toxic friendship or we simply do not get on, I will just block you on everything to save my own sanity. I had this sort of friendship with a girl in High School.

This girl and I were friends for a long time, maybe 4 or 5 years and we hung out a lot outside of school as well as in school but it was not a healthy relationship. Even though we were friends, we were not particularly nice to each other. I do not want to make this out to look like she was a super bitch and I wasn’t, because I did do some nasty things to her too. Not only that, but we were not particularly nice to the other people around us. Not necessarily our other friends, but we did like to play pranks on people which now looking back were quite mean.

A lot of things happened over that 5 years that eventually came to a head one day because she sub tweeted about me. As stupid as it sounds, it just was the nail in the coffin and I decided to just block her on everything because she was no longer contributing anything good to my life. In hindsight, I do think this friendship should have ended long before but we did have some good times when we went out and there was a lot of inside jokes etc so it felt a shame just to cut a huge chunk of my life away.

I think the real reason for me suddenly cutting her out was that I was growing up. I had just turned 17, I think, and throughout school I was not a very nice person but I wanted to change that. I do think I have done this successfully, more so since leaving college and meeting my boyfriend, but I still find it difficult. I have acted a certain way for nearly my whole life, and changing habits of a lifetime do take a while but I am getting there.

The point of mentioning Time hop at the beginning is that a couple of days ago an old post popped up with this friend in it and I felt a little sad. I do struggle not to think of the times when we were up all night laughing until our stomach’s hurt or all of the times we spent hanging at each other’s houses but then I also cast my mind to the times where we made each other feel like crap and I suddenly realise that maybe I am better off without her.

I just want to make a point that even though you can be the best of friends with someone, you need to take a step back and think about whether or not the friendship is hurting you more than it should do. I do not regret cutting this girl out because it made way for all of the other amazing friendships and relationships I have formed now, which may not have happened because I was relying on the comfortable that I had found over the 5 years previous.

This is such a difficult subject to articulate because I always have a million and one things running through my head when I think about this topic so hopefully the ramble isn’t too difficult to read!

I would love to know anyone else’s thoughts on this topic and if you have had any similar experiences to me.

Charlotte x

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